Life In The Canyon

"Marcel wake up. Seriously Marcel, I need to be at work soon and my car is still at Cozy's." My back hurt from falling asleep in front of the fireplace and I could still taste the wine from last night on my teeth. "I'm jumping in the shower, you better be up by the time I'm out. I'm serious, if I'm late to work this little thing we have is done." I sat up, but only to crack my back and laid back down because the room was starting to spin. "OK, OK baby, just go get in the shower. I'll be up by the time you're out." I had no intentions of coming out from under the blankets. I was tired, I was hung-over and I think I just heard the first few drops of rainfall outside. I didn't care for Sandy much anyways. I used to be sprung on that girl, but there was a new one to replace her and I liked how she made me feel a whole lot more. Sandy was a crass bitch who fucked great, but made me feel so dirty. I didn't talk like that before Sandy, I would have never described a woman as a crass bitch before Sandy, but that’s what she was, she'd say herself with pride. Sandy got off on being raunchy. The first words out her mouth in the morning were either fuck or shit and before bed it was pretty much the same, in a different context of course. I was into it for a while, feeling dirty that is, but when I met Susie I remembered what it felt like to shower, to be fresh. My favorite part was always feeling the cold air rush into your expanded pores as you exited the steam cave and took the first step onto the moist linoleum. It felt like my entire body was breathing. Since being with Sandy I hadn't felt this, and the one time I tried to describe the feeling to her she called me faggot and told me to go down on her. I was tired of this lifestyle, so I put the blankets over my head and thought about cleaning off with Susie.

"What the fuck Marcel? Didn't I warn you? Get your god-damn keys and lets go."

"Baby, just a few more minutes, come on. I need sleep, I feel like I'm getting sick and I wanna make sure I can keep up with you tonight. And why do you have to talk like that so early in the morning. It hurts my ears, they aren't warmed up yet." I spoke to her through the blanket, muffled and only slightly louder than a whisper and this really got her riled up. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I almost felt bad for egging her on, but really I was over it and I needed to make sure she didn't come back; she was too addictive to turn away. As I laid on my side with the blankets tucked between my legs and stretched over my head I clinched every muscle in my body because I knew what was coming. Sandy had a thing for physical affection. She liked everything rough, everything, and playtime was no different. As if she knew exactly where the muscles in my back had wound into knots throughout the night, she dug her knee deep into the tissue and began to turn it back and forth. I shook my legs to try and get her off, but my attempts were unsuccessfully feeble. After only 15 seconds or so I'd had enough and got up, walked to the bathroom and pissed with my head against the wall, threw on my jeans that were damp from laying by the sliding door all night and headed out. I didn't bother calling for Sandy, I figured she'd notice sooner or later. I opened the door to my Vet and listened to it's scream slowly settle down. I had worked hard for the past few years, really hard and I was sick of being a penny pincher. So I went out one day and bought a Sting Ray Corvette and in that same day decided to buy this house too. The Vet was pristine, but the house was a junker, I looked forward to working on it everyday though. I revved the Vet a few times to get Sandy's attention and when she finally caught on her lips were puckered so tight I swore her face had swallowed them. The car ride was awkward. I was too tired to talk, I could barely keep my eyes focused on the road and I think Sandy wanted to call the whole thing off, except there wasn't anything to call off. We were just in that type of situation. The type of situation that has no definition beyond sexual expectations. I'm not even sure if she liked Marcel or Marcel’s body. It was really strange to me, she had the ability to completely separate the body from the inhabitant and when she'd be on top it got difficult to stay hard because her empty eyes terrified me. I had an experience when I was younger, one with the devil, or what I though was the devil and the devil had empty eyes too. I told my mom about the devil in my room and in the frankest of way's she said, "Marcel, you were high." High? I didn't even know what high was. I was nine and the last thing I remember before falling asleep was Mom spraying down my room with little green can called Black Flag. High or not, every time the roaches would come around, the devil wouldn't be far behind.

We pulled up outside of Cozy's and her oversized car was waiting patiently to get the hell out of there. I turned down the music and went in for a kiss and she turned away. I was hoping she'd do that and like the predictable crass bitch she was, she turned her cheek and lifted her chin and walked out thinking she had really taught me a lesson. She shut the door and I couldn't help but slyly grin. I put the Vet in drive and peeled out to mechanically express my despair, or something like that. It was still early and I was between jobs and I knew Susie would be serving up omelets to blue collars at Sal's dinner down on Fairfax. Sal's is where I first met Susie, she wasn't my waitress, but that didn't keep me from asking her for the Tabasco, and then some more coffee and then for her number. She told me I was one of the rudest S.O.B's to rest my behind in this shiny red booth, so for good measure I asked her if I was the best looking too. I usually wasn't confident enough to make a woman laugh, well laugh with me, but with Susie it was different. Susie and me, we got along really well. We would bounce things, feelings and ideas, sometimes our bodies, back and forth off each other and it just felt right, it felt balanced. Before settling up at Sal’s I told her that I wanted to cook for her. "Alright, 8 o'clock then, make sure you leave your porch light on this time. I don't wanna get lost back in that canyon again like last week." I laughed and apologized again and assured her I'd leave the light on for her.

The place was a mess and so was I, everything felt dirty. I opened up all the windows, left the doors open to try and get a cross breeze going and kicked off a cleaning session by wiping up the red wine that still laid in puddles around the fire place. The fireplace was the main attraction in my house. I didn't have gas or electricity, I didn't need them, so everything was done in and around the fireplace. My light came from here, this is how I cooked my food, it's how I warmed up the women I'd bring over and eventually how I'd get them to stay. I loved that fireplace. After getting the place feeling normal again I cleaned myself and took a nap. By the time I had woken up the sun was getting ready to set and I knew I'd have to rush to get things prepared before Susie got there. My plan was to cook a soup, I didn’t know how to make much else and even if I did I didn't have the necessary means. What I lacked in material possessions I made up for with ingenuity. My neighbors and I had a little deal going on, I'd supply herbs from my garden, if they supplied me with vegetables from theirs. With a flashlight and a paper bag I walked into the rows of zucchini, tomatoes, corn and squash and took a few of each. The cauldron I had filled and balanced on four stones above a small fire was boiling now so I quickly chopped up the veggies and just tossed them in. I was getting kind of anxious so I finished off the last half of a joint Sandy had passed out with and loosened up. I threw some salt and pepper in and let it boil until Susie showed up.

I heard her little Honda pull up 20 minutes to 8. Whether she felt the same or not, I couldn't wait to see her and was happy she showed up early. "The place looks great Marcel it's really coming along. I really like the brickwork on the front porch and the sandstone you laid along the walkway. It feels very, natrurey! And this sun, wow this sun... Has that sun always been painted on the floor?" I told her it had been and teased her for being oblivious, but the truth was that after the first night she came over I was inspired and felt like I needed to paint something. However, I lacked the skills and material to do so, but instead of waiting I vandalized my own home with an oversized sun that a kindergartener could have pulled off much better than I. I don't know why I did it, I mean I do, but what a mess I made. As long as it impressed her though, it was worth it. Susie was kind of a hippie, she had the look at least, soft and light and I wanted to impress her, I wanted her to think I was all about whatever she was about. I'm not sure if she bought it, but at least she was kind. After pointing out a few other renovations I was a little fonder of, we sat down to eat. I took a spoon full out of the cauldron before serving it and immediately hoped it tasted better than it looked. Unfortunately it didn't. I didn't say anything though, I just hoped the wine would kick in and numb our taste buds before we started slurping. Ultimately though it didn't matter, because like a fool I dropped the cauldron while trying to move it off the stones and completely doused the fire. The house was dark now, we had no dinner and I expected her to leave, but before I even had a chance to apologize Susie kissed me. "It's ok Marcel, I ate a little before I got here anyways. I really just wanted to spend time with you. I think I'm kind of falling for you." I kissed her back and it felt clean. I pulled back and held her head in my hands, looked into her eyes and felt my entire body breath. We laid there for hours in front of that soggy fire, our stomachs growled, but we just laughed at them. I held her in my arms and told her stories about childhood adventures and how I got suspended in high school for getting drunk at a football game and then mooned the McKinley players. She laughed and told me how she was arrested once and put in a holding cell until her parents came to get her. She had pretended to be high in a car full of stoners so she didn't seem like a prude. When the cops pulled them over she kept on pretending all the way to jail. I laughed so hard I accidentally let one go, and then she laughed too.

"I can't believe its already 2. It feels like I've only been here for a bit. Well I suppose I have to go. Sal is expecting me to open at 5 and my uniform is at my place. Walk me out?"

We walked out into the night and watched out breath form clouds above us. She rolled her eyes upwards to look at me and smiled. I opened her door for her and placed her purse on the passenger seat before wrapping her up in my arms and holding her head beneath my chin. "I had a really nice time with you Susie, maybe we can do it again tomorrow, or tonight...you know what I mean." She told me she'd come back by after work, I told her I couldn't wait. Her little car spit white smoke out of its rear end as it scooted off and I ran back inside to get under the blankets.

Morning came too soon again, but I didn't feel sick. I brewed some coffee and sat out in my back yard to watch the dew dry on the tall grass and smile at my dogs while they chased the squirrels. I faced the sun and let its warmth bake my face while the coffee mug heated my hands. I nearly dozed off again, but I heard someone call my name, a female voice. I got up excited at the thought that Susie had ended her shift early and couldn’t wait to see me; I knew I couldn't wait to see her. I walked through the kitchen and turned into the living room and standing there was Sandy. "Hey honey, I'm sorry about the other night", she slurred. "I was a total fucking bitch, I fucked up. I'm fucking sorry Marcel, I'm sorry." I cringed at her language and her breath and placed my coffee on the counter top. I turned around to say something and before I could get it out she was holding me, in the palm of her hand. I felt dirty again, but I was also an addict so I was willing to compromise pretty much anything including my newly found hygiene. We ended up in the shower doing this and that and while I regretted it the entire time, I never tried to stop it. Sandy was getting really wild, pulling my hair and biting me and shit. I hated when she did that. The moment ended a few moments ago and I was starting to prune. I was used up and done so I the water off, hot first and then cold, but not until it splashed Sandy and made her scream. I got out and quickly covered myself; I threw her a towel and went in the other room so I didn't have to look at her. I heard the front door shut and figured it must have been the wind. I laid back on my bed and from the doorway I saw the sweater Susie had worm last night draped over the armchair. I didn't remember her leaving it. I got up and walked out and sitting by the fireplace was Susie, patiently waiting for her turn. She didn't act crazy; in fact she didn't say more than two words, "Never again." Those two words destroyed me though, never again. She left without seeing Sandy, but I knew she knew. Never again did me and Susie laugh, never again did I feel clean.