The Study: Committed

I'll admit I got lost. Caught up in an uncontrollable passion-fit that has only been matched in the past by women who've crawled out from under my thumb. It was a throbbing sort of lifestyle, and that's not to say it hurt, it never hurt, it was erotic, it was feverish and it wasn't easily forgotten. The palpitation’s are what drove me, what convinced me that my life was meant to be spent as the observer, the watcher of a world gone numb. Every beat propelled me with emphasis towards my objective. Namely, to bring the world back to life. It was early in my career when I first realized the hardest part would be getting my message across. The world had changed a lot in only the past few years. People expected things faster; food, news, love, everything. I needed a strategy that would simultaneously pronounce and project my message to the world. Kind of like a movie, but more similar to a preview with a plot and conclusion. It needed shock value as well, because if things now-a-days aren't shocking, they aren't worth paying attention to. It took a while to come up with something that would actually shock people. We're all so immune to everything now that if a man were lying on the street, hungry and dying, we’d just walk right by him. It's a sad situation, the media-ization of our brain, but if something isn't presented to us with clips, awkward enunciation and a slight twist of Hollywood, then we just don't get it. I tried writing on the walls, I tried preaching on a soapbox, I even gave journalism a shot. Figured if I was snarky enough, if I hid my message behind sarcasm in the weekly column I wrote for yesteryears version of the Huffington post, them maybe people would catch on. They didn't. I was commended for my abilities to write well, but beyond that people just didn't get it, they didn't get me and that'd come to be a flaw of theirs they'd learn to regret. There are figureheads around the world that preach the most vile and inhumane messages of freedom, what freedom really is, and there are millions of people who buy into these messages. These people, while in the light, are merely working class, common, normal, like me. Yet, in the dark, unseen to even themselves, are the power behind these figureheads. I knew it though, and I knew that in order to make a change I needed to cut off the legs, I needed to cut down the mode of transportation of these false messages and prevent them from spreading like wildfire amongst our world. This is why I did it, this is why I took out those who you call the "innocent".

I'm not anti-social nor am I a self imposed pariah, and I laugh about this because with everyone I've met who feels the same as I, who's willing to take action, I often can't believe we go so unnoticed. It’s frustrating at times, but I've come to appreciate the fanatic approach people take towards their government. We have celebratized our leaders, made them out to be icons and at the same time enemies. All of our trust and blame is put in these people and for this I am grateful. It allows me, us, to operate under the cover of corrupt regimes. This, in simplest terms, kills two birds with one stone. Not only does it breed a culture of distrust and dissent against these figureheads, it also allows a safe passage way for my escape once my assignment has been completed. It's amazing the ideas journalists are able to create and instill with black ink and bold letters. Events created by those like me, yet blamed on the government. It's fantastic. Death squads in El Salvador, omnipotent drug cartels in Mexico, murders of the rich and poor in Brazil (55,000 in the course of a year to be exact), the conflict over Kashmir which has brought three nations full of idolizers to the brink of war over a seemingly meaningless plot of land. These are the type of events that most people question, the ones that people are surprised to learn about, the ones that people later accept and make T-shirts and bumper stickers about in their removed attempted at solving the situation. These situations are manifested by us and their brilliance lies not in their conflict, but in the way they inspire outsiders to try and make a difference, to try and think about people other than themselves or their idols, if only for as few months, or days or until we graduate college and realize we don’t have time to be concerned with such petty things, we need to concentrate on making money to save and then spend again before we run out of time. The habitual nature of humans never becomes less amusing. One thing I need to make clear though, is that we are not responsible for war; we don't posses the resources or the monetary means to drive hundreds of thousands of individuals into foreign lands to chase invisible enemies and displace their frustration onto men that look different than they. What lead up to these wars, the obscure singular events that seemed to be enough to propel our figureheads to mobilize their respective militaries, is more often than not the fruit of our labor. The shit pile of a ship, Lusitania, named after an ancient roman province that was conquered and sunk both by land and by sea, brought the Americans into the First World War and showcased a brilliant display of irony.  The spread of "Communism" through the peasantry and the idea that certain irrational countries posses weapons powerful enough to destroy life as we know it are but a few of our crowning achievements. And how, you ask, is it possible for me to live with such lies, lies that have sent hundreds of thousands of men and women to die and I answer you, because those who are willing to support and be support by The Man, should also be willing to die for the sins of him.  And they are, and I watch and take note of how man lives, breathes and dies for another man.