Orientation Chapter 10

I showed up to school with a dozen roses. Got there 30 minutes early too, to slide little love notes into her locker. I needed to cover all my bases to ensure I'd come out on top. The way she left things was wrong. Sure I was unhappy, sure I was an asshole, sure I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, but that didn't mean she had the right to dump me. That was my job. I'm the man. I make the calls. My hands were shaking as I slid the folded scraps of notebook paper in through the vents. No one was around except for the kids who got bussed in, but they were all huddled near the cafeteria eating their French toast sticks. I was alone in the hallway with nothing but the smell of stale sandwiches and floor wax. I felt like I was doing something wrong, like at any moment the principal would walk around the corner and call me into his office, but for what? I didn't know. I ignored the anxiety and kept pressing the notes into the locker. I'm sorry. Smiley Face. Meet me for lunch. Sad Face. I'm a fool... In love with you. Exclamation point.

The trap was set. The notes were in place, all that was left was to meet her outside her first period to hand over the roses. Their stems were still wet and left drip stains on my jeans. It made me self conscious. I hope nobody thinks I peed myself. Girls watched me as I walked through the lunch area with the exaggerated bouquet. "Oh are those for me?" they'd sarcastically ask. They could be if you play your cards right. I never said that though. I just smiled that white boy smile. Closed lips and squinted eyes. Her class was in the E building, mine was across campus in the R. I walked around the bike racks and past the gym and went around the back way. During school hours this little path is filled with white kids smoking and Mexican kids tagging and black kids touching each other. Before school it was empty though. Damp and empty and a short cut from the PE fields to E building. I held the flowers in front of my face. I smelled them and felt nothing. I stepped over the curb and into the dirt that ran along the back side of F building. Through the chain-link I saw her walking up the sidewalk, coming into the campus through the back. I slowed and let her enter in front of me; I'd meet her near the classroom. She walked in and as soon as her ass was out my sight I began the pursuit. I’ll surprise her. I sneak up on her and surprise her like she surprised me. I played spy. I crept along the building, hugging the wall, hearing people in the distance making comments about my progress, but I ignored them. I was on a mission and couldn’t be slowed or stopped by the eyes of the uneducated and insane. Her scent was still lingering near the school's entrance. Cucumber melon stuck to the walls. I closed my eyes and took it in and got excited. I had that twisting feeling that sits right below your rib cage. It's a mix of passion and pity, embarrassment and the prophecy of success.

I held the bouquet in my left hand, the wall with my right. Balancing myself, I stood on one foot and leaned around the corner of the building to peer down the hallway. 4 classes in, E-130, was hers. Before she broke up with me she'd wait outside for her morning kiss. I was banking on routine overcoming reality. The hallways were cluttered with dreary faces and backpacks. I couldn't see through them. Their displacement from themselves was too thick. As traffic passed, I waited for the opportune moment to spring in and hop down the hallway without being run over or seen. Behind a backpack. Behind a kid that smelled like cheese and chips. Behind a pair of sweatpants that had Booty written across them. I stayed here for a while. The wall of shoulders and wet hair was still too thick to see through. I kept my eyes to the ground. Hoping that between strides and skips I'd be able to spot her shoes. She wore Nikes with little springs in the back. Every day a new color, paired with black or grey leggings. A classroom up, I spotted them.

Her ankles were exposed and I could see the little scars she had from shaving around the bone. I crept towards her with my head hung to the left, the bouquet dangled over my right shoulder. Those were her shoes, I saw the springs, but they weren't on the ground. She was standing on her toes. Probably looking for me. I'll surprise her good. I stayed tucked behind the Booty pants and counted the lockers. 3 more. 2 more. I wonder if she's seen the notes yet? 1 more. I held the roses low and in a move I'd quickly regret, jumped out from behind my shield and presented her with the bouquet, only to be greeted with her lips retreating from their connection with Collin's.

She was surprised but I was the one who felt it. "Oh hey, uh, um, you know Collin? Right?" Sure I knew the scum bag. Sure I knew all of his other girlfriends who tried to warm me about you. Sure I knew the smell of his cologne weaved into your hair. "Yeah. Hey." I put the roses under my arm and slapped hands with him. I went in for the pound, but his hand was already back in his pocket. Keeping his eyes to the ground he kissed her cheek and touched the top of her ass before lifting his chin to me and strolling off. Casual bastard. She put her arm around my waist like a possessive man and said, "Hey buddy!" She wasn't afraid to admit I was the fool, anymore. Whatever guilt she felt has dispersed with a night of sleep or something else. It was too late to turn back. I looked at her like an intimidated kid and pitifully said, "Here, these are for you."

The whole delivery was wrong. It didn't happen like it was supposed to. What was wrong with me? She'd find the notes and probably laugh at them. She was already gone. More gone than I had been. She was a leg up in this race for closure and I was focusing too much on the pain in Bonktown.